About Me

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The Madman, "Yes, three days, three centuries, three aeons. Strange they would always weigh and measure. It is always a sundial and a pair of scales."

Monday, May 25, 2009


I have treasured
Every small incident,
Every big memory;
All that had happened,
All that we want to be.

Every dash towards the phone
Every long chat;

Every mom-picked call
Every excuse made;

Every time you laughed at a joke
Every time you marveled at a fact;

Every juicy piece of gossip
Every heated debate;

Every outrageous word
Every raised eyebrow;

Every read thought
Every shy denial;

Every whispered word
Every prolonged quiet;

Every hour of patient wait
Every reward of your sweet face;

Every side glance
Every ill-mannered stare;

Every brush of shoulder
Every walk with hands held;

Every time I said I love you
Every time you said you don’t;

Every time you wanted to say yes
Every time you kept quiet;

Every time you said you love me
Every skipped heart beat;

Every promise of faith
Every plea to go away;

Every time I made you cry
Every time I felt criminal;

Every song dedicated
Every poem inspired;

Every time I thought of you
Every time I breathed.


कई दिनों से ये घर मेरा
घुटा हुआ है
बंद दरवाज़ों के पीछे;
तुम आती थीं तो ख़ुद-ब-ख़ुद
खुल जाते थे दरवाज़े,
अब तो बस पड़े रहते हैं
दीवारों को सीलन के
हवाले किए हुए;
हाथ में कलम लिए
जब उतारने बैठता
हूँ दिल की बात,
पुर्ज़ों पर भी
इन दीवारों की सीलन ही
उतर आती है;
तेरी मुसी हुई
एक तस्वीर है मेरे पास,
जब देखना चाहता हूँ
एक दिया जला लेता हूँ,
फ़िर भी सब धुंधला
ही रहता है,
कुछ सीलन-सी बह आती है
आँखों में भी;


Arms droppin off,
And feet anchored,
Goin on,
Following a lonely star,
Long dead since birth-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinking only ash;

Hooks tearing through
My gut,
My blood trailin me,
Already round
The earth twice
In this hellish life-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinkin only ash;

Stoned and dug,
Pushin on
Under the surface,
Seen nations fall
And devils rule-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinkin only ash;

Stabbin mother earth
In her breast,
Makin a fire
Of broken ties,
Cared to bid bye
And turned around
To spit on your face-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinkin only ash;


Love is a lesson of betrayal-
So much to expect,
So less to give.

I am sorry,
I wanna hurt you
But you know
I am no God.
To forgive you
I must forget you-
Something, no matter
How hard I try,
I cannot do.
I wish you well.
Go away if that’s
What you want
But I wanna make
U feel what I felt-
This very life
Can be hell!

I so readily
Gave up so much
To prove my love;
When it was
Your turn,
You so readily
Gave up my love.

Right from the start
You were free;
I never asked of you
To love me.
It was you
Who’d repeat
You love me, and
When you saw
I had reached a stage
Where so painfully
My heart would break,
How could you just
Ask me to go away?!

You made me believe
Love lasts forever
And you tell me
It takes a couple of days
To forget your lover!

I am sorry
I can’t do
What you say-
Can’t let you go,
Can’t see you go away;
If my loving you
Gives you pain
I am sorry,
I wanna hurt you, again.


You go ahead,
Break free;
I am happy
Being a part of
The fog of your memory.

Clear the mess around you;
It is the right thing to do;
Why gather the clutter?
If you are done with it,
It shouldn’t be there.

Someday, maybe,
When you are revisiting
Good old times
In the autumn of your life,
We’ll meet again,
Of course, if you’ll recognize.

कुछ अनकही

कल शाम हवा
चुरा लायी थी
कुछ अनकहे शब्द
जो आके तुम्हारे होठों पे
ठहर गए थे.

दो शब्द थे प्यार के
मुझे जो सुनाना चाहती थी;
मेरे शहर की ओरे रुख करके
आँखे बंद किए, लबों तक लाके
रोक दिए थे.

एक आंसू था मीठा सा
लबों तक ही बस बहा था
पी लिया था तुमने,
कलेजे में
भरी बैठी थी.

एक पुराना गीत था
मुझ ही से जो सीखा था
लबों से न गाकर, मन् ही में
गुनगुनाया था…

इन सब को पहलु में
दबाये, मेरा पता ढूँढती
आई थी हवा;
मैंने ही ख़ुद को दीवारों
के पीछे कैद कर रखा था;
सोच बैठा था
तुम याद नही करती.


I am sorry
I couldn’t see it;
It was hard to believe
That you could love me.

I saw that look
In your eyes,
I brushed it aside;
Thought you just wanted me to smile.

It blew my mind
To feel you were mine;
Didn’t handle it right;
I still can’t decide.

I hated to think
you don’t care for me,
Thought it was your fault;
Now I know, it was me.

I am sorry


My shadow the earth refuses to endure.
My life is an exhibition of my sins.
The heavens select my soul for crucifixion
As I fall into the same pit again.
As I walk, I drop trails of blasphemy.
So hard to hide from the wailings
Of a corrupted conscience.
On my forehead was carved
With acids of fate
The destiny of a dark vision
I can’t fight against.


When the church bells ring
And there is divine music,
Why do you look down?
Where are you lost?

When the wind blows
And ruffles your hair,
Why do you get up?
And shut the doors?

When the flowers swing
And call you to touch,
Why do you hold your hands back?
What do you resist?

When kids run to you
And kiss you
Why do you just smile
But not kiss back?

When the fire burns,
When the fog clears,
When the dew drops,
When the sun shines,
And you have something to cheer about,
What is it that your eyes deny?
Why aren’t they happy,
Lost in some memory.
Is it mine?


"...The dawn of darkness
Brings forth so much light-
Light that reveals
The truth
For in this
Darkness shine
My mistakes..."

सपनों की अँधेरी दुनिया

किसी दस्तक पर
आँख खुली थी.
खिड़की खोली
तो कमरे में
धूप बिखर आई.
आधी खुली खिड़की से
झाँक कर देखा:

कुछ दूर पर
एक सपेरा
बच्चो को लुभाता था;
साँप की माँ
कही भूकी पड़ी थी.

कही और
खिलौनों का समंदर
लहराता था;
बस कुछ ही खिलौने
साबत बचे थे.

एक बुढिया
घुटने देखती
चलती थी;
कमर पर
छाले पड़े थे.

खिड़की खोली
तो कमरे में
धूप बिखर आई;
समेट कर
बाहर गिरा दी.
सपनो की मेरी
अँधेरी दुनिया ही
भली थी.

पुकारा था तूने

आँसू भरी तेरी आँखों ने देखा था एक नज़र
वो बादल आज भी बरस रहा है मेरी छत पर

तेरी बाहों ने समेटा था मुझे एक दफा
धूम मची है मेरी दुनिया में अब भी हर तरफ़

पुकारा था तेरी दुआ ने मुझे एक सुबह
खीचती है तेरी ओर आज तक हर डगर


My mentor,
Thank you, sir
Thank you for takin me
Thank you for makin me
Thank you for breakin me.

You held me,
Made me look up
Upto the sky,
Said it was mine,
Said I’d be there,
Threw me with all you had;
Now I lie in the mud,
Doubled up in pain and distrust.

You arms were all I had,
You held me so close to yourself
In such a tight embrace
It drew the breath outta me,
Crushing everything inside of me.

Now you go around
Spreading things-
I am ungrateful
Didn’t even say thank you
So here I am-

My mentor,
Thanking you, sir:
Thank you for takin me
Thank you for makin me
Thank you for breakin me.


It’s got to be the memory of a dream,
It couldn’t have happened to me.
How my mind, so used to worms,
Could have imagined a life so sweet,
I can’t see.

I see myself holding a hand,
My gaze locked with another,
I feel a perfume driving me crazy,
I hear promises poured into me;
A love so pure could possibly
Be the invention of my crazed mind
But never a reality.
I see a kid-me
Tossed gently in the air,
Surrounded by sounds of glee
I feel a soft breast on my baby-palms
And the taste of sweet warm milk;
There’s also a big man
Buying me bicycle and basketball
And a bunch of kids playing hide and seek,
A childhood so complete,
No it could not have been for me.
Proud old eyes fixed on a teen,
A shelf lined with trophies,
Lads running after each other
For boxes of tiffin,
A huge school building
Smellin like a heaven of comfort,
So different from the place
I now live in.

These rosy pictures flashing in my mind
That they call the past, a memory
Seem to me like the ruins of a dream
Coz with open eyes there only worms
Crawling in my head
And when I look ahead,
A deep dark hole is all I have.


“…the only thing
more beautiful than loving
is being loved;
you, my friend,
have that gift;
I am content
With the
Second best…”

“…in a dead desert
where nothing survives,
love gave birth
to music
that, resonating till eternity,
thrives till today…”


Being me was strange,
Being here, it feels stranger—
So far away
From where I belong,
From whom I love,
From what I wanted to be,
From what I was.

This feeling
is hard to define—
far from remorse,
far from nostalgia,
far from grief.

But then—
It’s not joy,
It’s not fun,
It’s not glee.

What is it?—
I had heard about
Being numb;
I think I can
Feel it.

It was a whirlwind
That tore me from me,
Turned my world topsy-turvy
And threw me on this path.

This path takes me
I don’t know where—
It could be glory,
It could be doom,
It could be nowhere.

(Crude partings were made;
Partings are always crude
Because they bring out
The true love hidden inside
If they are refined,
There were no partings made
For no ties existed.)
This is what they call
It destroys all you plan,
All that existed,
All you believed in
And proves to you
That there is a God.

A power so potent
That your very existence
Seems worthless.

Yet, it is a loving power.
It’s looking for love
And if you give
Any sign of it,
It embraces you,
Holds your hand
And leads you
To a
Perfect Heaven

खाली था सफर उम्र भर का

खाली था सफर उम्र भर का
दफ्न भी मैं हुआ तो अकेला

मेरे कातिल की आंखों में डर नही था
न मेरे अपनों की आँखों में गुस्सा

कहीं तो याद रखते हैं जो मर गया
लोग मांगते थे मेरे मरने की दुआ


I don’t want you to take me back,

I don’t expect again the love you had;

I know, I had my chances

I know, I how utterly I failed you

Again and again;

I only want you to forget

All about my wretched self;

I only pray I didn’t cause

So much pain that it should last long;

I only want you to forgive yourself

And live a life, which together, we could never have;

I want you to go ahead

And do what you want best;

But I also hope you won’t mind

If I, from a distance, keep an eye;

It’s so hard to catch any sleep

Until I know whether you are at peace.



These walls cage my thoughts.

Something in my mind

Is desperate to explode.


It wants to carry me away,

Lift me off the ground

And fly me away

To a heaven

Where no wings are required to fly.


I am told to be focused

But this thing is all I

Can focus on.

I am told to concentrate

But a perfect chaos is my dream;

To be so free

That the soul knows not the body,

That thoughts are bound not in the mind

Nor beats in hearts.

Where speed is not a limit.

Where time plays no role.

Where imagining be creating

And devastation never ending.


Where all the world is me

In me, by me!


Where I destroy

At the spark of anger.

Where I conduct the symphony

Of thunders


The direction of winds

Where the waves rise as high as I lift them

And volcanoes are as hot I heat them.

Where the earth quakes

At the ruffling of my breath

And time is my puppet


Where I create

With a smile.

All children break into laughter

When I joke.

Where men fall in love

With the beauty I create.

Where flowers bloom

And let loose a perfume

I desire to smell.

Where trees bear my

Favorite fruits.

What will be next,

Only I can tell


Where there’s only me,

Just me,

Nothing else.

I create, I destoy.

I live, I die.

I am time, I am doom.

I am heaven as well as hell

I am all, all is me

I am Almighty!



You could call

But there’s no time;

I could smile

But there’s no time;


I am patient

But there’s no time;

I can wait

But there’s no time;


I am hurt

But there’s no time;

You could heal

But there’s no time;



“Here take my hand.
I can help u.
I’ll show u the way,
All the way
Right till the gates
Of u know where;
you’re right, HELL”

Iron bars
Stabbed with ease,
In through the front
Outta the back,
The pain is pleasure,
Ultimate satisfaction;
In trance with the wind
Rockin to music,
Dirty soul
And vile dreams;
No subject
No logic,
A blast in the head
World swirling
Bringin memories
Of sweet childhood
Of bugs killed and holes peeped
Of several lies and envy blues
Of a hundred affairs
And a single love
Lost too;
Misty eyes,
Bleeding heart,
Numb mind,
Oblivion inviting-
On my way
With the

Porter Of Hell.




I am just one of those guys

Who know not the ways of the world;

Their heads are dumb

Nor can they understand a single word;

Whom God made as if for fun

And then forgot;

Who walk the surface of the Earth

Wondering what it is all about;

Looking around dreamily,

They trip and fall

And can’t get up because

They can’t support themselves enough;

Not a single soul stops

Or as much as notices;

Busy feet trample them,

Covering their bodies up.


Wherever they fall,

Their graves are dug

And they, far away

From an alien world,

Find themselves snug!