About Me

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The Madman, "Yes, three days, three centuries, three aeons. Strange they would always weigh and measure. It is always a sundial and a pair of scales."

Saturday, September 19, 2009

A WISH

I always wanted to get so close to you
That I feel the heat of your breath on my skin;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That your perfume surrounds me;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That my lips rub against yours when I speak;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That my eyes see nothing but your eyes;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That I can wrap my arms around you;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That your hair tickles my nose;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That you can’t say no when I ask if I can kiss you;

And now you are so far away that when your memories call, I can’t hear them…

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I AM A DREAMER

I am a dreamer and I have been dreaming…about a lot of things. I am a dreamer and I am just that. In your world I am ugly, I am psychotic, I am dangerous. In my world I am a decent-enough, nice guy.

I am a dreamer. I do things but I never think about what I do or maybe, I do think but I don’t know what I think or maybe, I know what I think but I don’t know that I know. I don’t know. I am confused. I am entangled in my conflicting dreams.

I am a dreamer and I write my dreams. I write my dreams to you. I wonder whether you wonder why I write to you coz I do. I write to you my dreams coz it’s you I dream about or maybe, I dream about what I dream is you. I don’t know. I am confused. I am entangled in my words.

I am a dreamer. I dream in this world but about my own world. I used to know you. I was beginning to know you. Then, you stopped my knowing. A lot of memories remained incomplete. What was incomplete made me dream restless dreams. I was churning in my mind and as usual, I was dreaming. Now, I am sick. I am sick of dreaming.

I am a dreamer. I thought I loved you. Now I know, I used to love you. Now, I love someone else. She has the same name. She has the same face and the same body and the same voice but she is not you. She is my dream. She is my dream of you. When I wrote to you and said I love you, I was not lying. I was mistaken. I was dreaming.

I am a dreamer and you left too many incomplete memories. I completed them but not in this world, in mine. We were together for such a short time in this world and then we parted and since then we’ve been together. We’ve been together in my world. There I still love you very much but there you are not you. I am not me here. I am me there. So, it’s not purely surreal. I don’t know. It’s a confusion. It’s entangled in reality and dreams. When I wrote to you and said I love you, it felt like a lie. Now I know why. You had left me with nothing but incomplete memories and I filled up the empty spaces with my own images. I changed you and us and distorted the reality to fit what was not real. We’ve been together since forever and till forever. We made love. We touched. We looked. We ate together, walked together, fought and cried and made up later. We were there, I was there but you weren’t. I thought you were but it was my thought. Till we parted, I loved you coz I knew you. After that I knew someone else and loved someone else.

I am a dreamer and I kept dreaming about being with you in this world too but that won’t be. Even if we meet, it won’t be. Even if you say it should be, it won’t be coz I don’t want it to be coz I don’t love you. You are not whom I love. I love my dream of you. You won’t fit my dream and why should you! How would you? You are not a dreamer, I am.

I am a dreamer and I write my dreams. I am writing my dreams to you though it is not you that I dream about. I am writing to you coz there is no one else to write to. My dream of you doesn’t accept written words. She only accepts dreams. So, I dream about my dream of you. Dreaming about my dream of you is driving me crazy. Maybe I am going crazy. Maybe I am crazy.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

SEPARATION

Waist high green grass
Under the sunshine of gold
Running to the distant horizon
And she in a yellow dress.
She- runs like the moon graces
Through clouds,
Tempting, luring.
Her lips silent
And eyes playful
When she glances back at me.
I- stand, hands on hips,
Indignantly, helplessly
Adoring how she
Loves irritating me,
Loving her,
Loving all that she is.
As I turn away in mock anger,
She holds my hand -
She knows this game all too well.
She knows I'll dare not stay away.
She knows how madly I am into her.
So she pulls me close
And hugs me,
Her perfume filling me.
Her hair sparkle in the evening sun.
We - stand there in an embrace,
Brushing cheek against cheek,
Lips against lips.
Her cute nose caresses my neck
As moments become minutes
And patience becomes passion.
Our love is complete
and in that moment
I know
None of this will last long.
There will be separation
And it will be now
And it will be forever
For there is a life other than her
And both can't be one.

NIGHTMARE

Every inch closer to bed
turns another nightmare from last night
into virtual reality -
A quiver and a smile
and a chill down my spine;
Red eyes and white teeth,
prowling in the dark
uder my bed.
They taste blood,
smack their lips
and lick their fangs.
My head on my pillow
and a claw scraping my toe;
Gasps of air meant to be breaths
lose their way and fill my head
and pull my eyes
to reveal the whites.
Strange thoughts
take strange shapes -
A red fluid in a drinking glass
or
a hooked sucking fang in my throat
or
a noose, tight around my neck -
Let go! Let go!
Where is my air?
O no! O no!
A flash of light -
Another dawn,
another day to survive,
another bright beginning
to a dismal, engulfing end.