About Me

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The Madman, "Yes, three days, three centuries, three aeons. Strange they would always weigh and measure. It is always a sundial and a pair of scales."

Friday, December 31, 2010

A DREAM TO DIE FOR

As my willing head hits the hypnogogic pillow
I know it’s time for the barely visible Time
To roll its wonderland-vision reel.

Floating on sweet streams of salty water
That nourishes his roots,
He narrows his eyes like a greedy hawk
And takes off to the sky
To make sport of fire.

A dream that feeds reality
Day after day,
Night after night,
Breath after breath;
A dream I was born with;
A dream to die for;
To go the farthest;
To go closest to the farthest point;
To make Speed stand still
And applaud;
To rain fire against fire,
Without remorse, without hatred,
Only reason and pride;
To weave a warm blanket
Of safe afterglow;
To be greeted by joyful claps and awed eyes,
Proud embraces and nostalgic meals;
To fly;
To fight;
A dream
To be an Air-Warrior.







Monday, December 20, 2010

ANARCHIC LIBERATION

The pseudo-valiant howls of the Wise Wolves
That sent mountains into manic spasms conceded,
Silent meditation took over.
Shamelessly shaking heads
And sighs of despair
Marked the last-ever beginning.
It was impending, it was inevitable
And now it was time for the verdict.
No one could forget
But then
Who would remain to tell?

-
 
Soft hypocrite stars
Were entangled in her sulking braid,
A punishment for showering light
On the gruesome playground
Where she was made to play Gladiator.

Blanketed in the bitter fog of her breath
That corrodes the elements
With acid-black sadism,
The Earth is weathered and soul-less,
Cleansed of Evil.
Nothing left for Doom to conquer.

The moon was a skeleton
Of all that she coveted,
Her idea of a prize to be possessed.
Caught midway its ancient cycle
Trapped in her unrelenting stare
It lies now
In her cold rough caress
Kissed and gorged
Stifled and mute
Raped by her chaotic madness,
Victim of a crushed heart.

-
 
Cowardly patrons imprisoned,
The unrepentant oppressor fittingly slaughtered,
The prize claimed and ruined,
She has won,
She is Revolution.
Leaving a void that’s asking
Can blood-red Revenge deliver justice?

Friday, November 26, 2010

A SIMPLE LABYRINTH


Staring and waiting,
Did it repair the leak?
The glass wept, your heart wept.
We can drink it all, can't we?
But we choose to abandon and die thirsty.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

शहादत


देख न, 
बढ़ता जा रहा हूँ उस ओर 
जिस ओर हँसते-हँसते मरना लिखा है,
तेरी बाहों मे सिमटा 
खून मे लतपत पड़ा हूँ, 
क्या सुहावना ख़्वाब दिखा है|

तेरी नर्म मिट्टी को लाल न कर दूं,
तब तक खड़ा लड़ता रहूँ,
हर जगह तेरा परचम न हो जब तक,
बे-खौफ़, बे-परवाह
आगे बढ़ता रहूँ|

जिन ख़ुश-क़िस्मत शहीदों से
सारी उम्र जलता रहा,
अब बस मिल कर कहना है उनसे,
"तुम में मुझ मे फ़र्क़ कहाँ रहा?"
गले लगा कर कहेंगे मुझसे,
"आ, बच्चों को शहादत के गीत सुनाएं,
अपनी माँ की ख़ातिर मर-मिटने मे
क्या सुकून है,
उन्हें भी सिखाएं..." 

Friday, October 29, 2010

BUTTERFLY THOUGHTS



इस अँधेरी कोठरी के 
काले धुएँ मे
खोज रहा हूँ अपनी ग़ज़ल
जहां से पैदा हुईं ये रंग-बिरंगी तितलियाँ|


ओस की बूँद पे पाँव फिसला था,
टूटने से बचा रहा हूँ 
सीने मे रखा 
टूटा हुआ सामान|


जब प्यासे थे पुरज़े
तो सूखी थी कलम,
बह रही है अब ये अश्कों-सी 
तो पिरोने को धागा कहाँ,
बस अँधेरा है,
काला धूवां
और ये रंग-बिरंगी तितलियाँ|


चारों ओर से 
खुला आसमान भाग खड़ा हुआ,
अब चार हैं दीवारें,
एक बिस्तर,
दो बंद आँखें 
और है सिले होठों मे बंद
गीत मेरा| 


साहिलों ने लगायी इतनी चोटें,
कब तक बहता फिरता थका-हारा,
समुंदर की आस छिपाए अपने भीतर
सिमटा पड़ा है दरिया मेरा,
किसी अँधेरी कोठरी के 
काले धुएँ मे खोज रहा है रास्ता,
क्या पाया,
ये रंग-बिरंगी तितलियाँ|

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

RAZORBLADES



You think life would be so much better
If you were dealt a winning hand,
If you could walk across mighty oceans,
If you could lead your own band,
If you had wings of lightning,
If you could build real castles out of sand.

But now you sit and waste yourself,
Your tears fill up your idle time,
You hardly ever use your colors,
All you paint is black and white.

Free-falling into outer-space,
I clutched myself with both my hands,
Sitting up straight, pausing the stupidity,
I shed all the worms covering me.
My hands deserve holding an honest spade
Rather than a sickly razor blade.
Diamonds are born in a coal mine maybe awfully clichéd,
But you know we can shine on forever
If only we can think this way…




Wednesday, October 20, 2010

किराये के सपने

किराये के सपने उठाये फिरता रहा 
पलकों पर नहीं, कन्धों पर .
पीठ पर लादे-लादे ढ़ेरों वज़नी इरादे.
झुकी हुई पीठ और पस्त सोच,
कुढ़ता रहा जुस्तजू के बोझ तले हर रोज़.
किराये के सपने उठाये फिरता रहा.
मकान-मालिक बन बैठे ज़माने को
बाहर का रास्ता दिखाया
तो ख़ुली हवा बनकर बह आया ख़ालीपन 
और ख़ालीपन भरने आया सपनों का सैलाब,
सैलाब पिरो गया पलकों पर मीठे आँसुओं के मोती.
ये मोती बोझ नहीं, ज़ेवर हैं.
ये सपने किराये के नहीं, अपने हैं.
इस जुस्तजू मे भी तलब है,
अब इन इरादों की बात ही अलग है.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

THE KEY



If you can fool without feeling guilty all these probing eyes,
If you can come up every time with fitting alibis,
If you know your way around trampling feet,
If you can savor with equal ease the taste of defeat,
If you have smiling eyes with burning ears,
If you keep an account of all those bitter tears,
If you help a stranger in his time of need,
So he can someday feed the eternal fire of your greed,
If you find the color of blood the same as of water,
If you find silly whatever the Christ taught us,
You can come join the band,
If you are unfaithful,
Trust me, I’m your friend.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

फ़िर वही

वही पुराना गीत लिख ड़ाला आज फ़िर,
मिल गया कुछ इस में नया भी.


जाना होगा उस पार, कि राह खींच कर लिए जा रही है,
छोड़ जाऊंगा अपना एक हिस्सा यहाँ भी.


तुमने साथ निभाने का इरादा जो बनाया होता, मेरे यार,
साथ हो पाते हम आज फ़ना भी.


ऐसी ड़ोर बांधे जाना है जो कि कभी टूटे नहीं,
खिंचती रहेगी ये उम्र भर यहाँ भी, वहाँ भी.


आंसू भरी तेरी आँखों ने ये क्या मांग लिया बिछड़ते-बिछड़ते,
क्या कहूं, कि इजाज़त भी है और मना भी.


ढूंढ रहा हूँ तुझे पागलों की तरह,
और दिख रहा है तू मुझे हर जगह भी.


यादों ने साथ घर क्या कर लिया,
इकट्ठे भी हैं हम, ग़ज़ल, और तनहा भी.  

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I JUST WANNA BE PURE



These colorful pictures in my mind
And the dull, dull stories behind;
Where do I go to clean my slate?
So I can write about the things I love
And avoid the things I hate.
I am rowing again towards where the sun sets,
Towards where the night took my light away,
Avoiding the calls and cries of my crowd
And tearful faces beneath the waves;
It was a beautiful ship,
That I stupidly hoped would never sink,
Now I see only wood that’s decayed;
What can I do but shake my head,
Look up to the sky and forget,
Spread my wings and fly away,
Fly so far away that I lose my way,
Fly to where I can be pure,
Now I understand,
I just wanna be pure.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

FOREVER IS A LIE





















Was it last year?
Or my last life?
Is it gonna last forever?
But forever is a lie…

We’d sing our song together
Like the woods and wind;
We’d fly away to unexplored skies together
Like the koel and spring;
Who knew,
Football in autumn was your thing!

Who ever stopped the sun from setting?
But I can keep my eyes shut when it rises again
For now the dark muffles my embarrassing sigh
And light is too blinding.

From his parched perch
He saw their lake drying up,
Drop by drop;
New falls, new springs, new rivers-
Through them all
Torturing him was the same old thirst,
It was the same old flight,
He remained the same old bird…forever;
But isn’t forever a lie?

Monday, August 16, 2010

LIFE AND ITS MYSTERIES




I row my own boat with rhythmic thrusts like the breath pattern of a panting man. For decades these constantly caressing ripples have kept me company and on the way I've collected bagfuls of postcards for keepsakes- tons of memories from the past, some lived and some imagined. When I shut my eyes, I catch glimpses of other boats drifting alongside me but with open eyes all I see is nothing and more nothing.

Sometimes there’s the smell of damp mud thrown in my face by the deceiving wind. Have I finally reached shore? Can I finally rest? I sniff greedily and end up confused about which way to go. Is it just incompetence that I always end up in the wrong direction where there’s nothing but more flowing water? Or is it that this is all that there is?

I hardly get enough time to find a solution when I see a rock jutting out in the fluid expanse or must brace myself for a waterfall. Both events say to me mockingly, there’s land down there somewhere that guides the flow of this river. The river appears mighty but does little except covering the terrain that it follows. The only way to find out would be to drown myself and give myself to the river so I can see what lies beyond. But the irony is that after all the sweat when I finally get there, I would cease to be!

I shake off these twisted lanes where my mind keeps peeking. It’s easy to lose your way there and that I can’t afford, I’ve got my rowing to do. But this is hardly worth being done, sometimes I snap back at myself! Instantly the feel of solid, dry wood under my feet and one look at the treacherous everything-else reminds me, this is all the treasure I have.

This treasure turns into a pointless exercise when I think about where I’ve come from, where I’ve reached and where I’m headed- nowhere! In that moment I’m convinced I should throw away the useless oars for good and let the flow take me away. The flow is more powerful anyways. I spend days planning to do just that before I realize I’ve not let go of the oars even once. No matter how intimately I’m bound to the river, I hate it too much to let it take control.

I must row my own boat forever, if such a thing as ‘forever’ exists. And if I am to be relieved of it all, I believe I wouldn’t be able to record it to let you know of it. You must keep rowing till then, just like me, and find out for yourself…

Monday, August 9, 2010

YESTERDAY'S DUST



Streams of golden sunshine
Broken by new shiny leaves,
Kids chasing butterflies
And the smell of new-mown grass.
That’s where I lived yesterday.

Waves of ecstasy exploding
In my unsteady head,
Red roses strewn all over the place,
Is it chocolate pudding I taste?

I walked a million majestic miles
To reach the gross ruin you see.
I got stuck in grimy mud once
That crossed my path mid-way.

Riding plumes of silken sweet smoke,
I let go,
Higher and higher
Towards the all embracing sky,
I’m travelling back in time
Where yesterday was so today.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

MOM



I’ve seen myself flowing away with her,

Playing with her, jumping with joy.

I’ve stretched my arms wide and embraced her.

I’ve soaked in her zillion drops of love.

I call her Rain.



I’ve seen her come and go.

Her absence is a melancholic lull.

She stirs my world into a wild passion.

She’s mysterious, over-whelming and unpredictable.

I call her Wind.



I can never shut her out completely,

She always finds her way into me.

Without her I’m frightened, blind and lost.

I need her to make my life bright.

I call her Light.



She’s my love, she’s my life.

She’s the reason why I’m alive.

She touched my soul and made me breathe.

She held my hand and made me see.

We parted ways and said goodbye

But she’s still with me

In the Rain, in the Wind, in the Light.

WHAT IF...


My lonely bed in the morning

Makes me think,

My empty message inbox

Makes me think,

The lines on my face and my untuned guitar

Make me think,

What if?...



Brochures of vacation spots

Make me think,

Fathers teaching their kids how to walk

Make me think,

Old couples walking hand in hand

Make me think,

What if?...



What if the promises we had made came true?

What if you hadn’t said ‘We’re through’?

What if we grew old together?

What if I were still with you?

Saturday, July 31, 2010

BREAKING UP




Look where we are going

Hand in hand.

The last time we spoke

When the directions

Vanished.



Are your fingers cold?

Or mine too hot?

But what do we care,

The road must be laid

First!



There are beggars if we go this way,

And thugs this way.

Where were the angels again?

Will you lead me?

Will I ask?



The wind picks up

And blows the dirt away.

We aren’t exactly shining,

Are we, sunshine?



And finally when the path seemed right,

I realized that

You weren’t.

Did it hurt me

When your heart didn’t exactly shatter?

I wonder.

MAINTENANCE MAN



Sitting beside a broken fan

He gave me a smile

The maintenance man



And I laid bare my list

Of things that needed to be fixed



Oh!

Can you mend my broken heart?

Can you fix my leaking eyes?

Can you make me think straight?

Can you give me back my smile?



Can you make the world see again?

Can you replace all that I’ve lost?

Can you give my life back its shine?

Can you tell me what it will cost?



With a tilt of his head,

He smiled at me.

He wiped his hands

And then he said



See,

What you need is to trust again.

Give up the habit of self-pity.

Look ahead and not behind.

And smiling will be ever so easy.



The world is made of people like you.

Wanting love without wanting to give.

You dull your life with yesterday’s dust.

All you need to do is forget and forgive.



I shook his hand

And turned around.

I wasn’t lost

I had just found out.



My next step was

The beginning of a new life

And I was gonna do it

With a big bright smile…

HURTLING ON



After 20 drops of blood

Had leaked from my eye,

I gave one last shot

At checking my ambitious flight.



When you stand on the opponent’s side,

Pitching against yourself,

Do you think you can

Make it through and move ahead?



A tiny pause and a li’l sunshine,

Not through the window

But one that comes from inside,

Lets you see how you’re ruined.

Self destruction is pulling you on

And you have to keep moving.



What this distance makes me feel

How I wish you knew.

It makes me hate me

More than you do.



Ripping apart this cloud of pride

Has made the acid rain down.

It’s a filthy new world of decay

Within me and all around.



A tiny pause and a li’l sunshine,

Not through the window

But one that comes from inside,

Lets you see how you’re ruined.

Self destruction is pulling you on

And you have to keep moving.



The further you reach

The clearer you see,

When the lights are out

There’s no turning around,

When you go for the sky

There’s never a finishing line,

But it took me 20 drops of blood

To realize that victory is just not enough.

Friday, June 25, 2010

THE CURSE


At the end of the day,
When the sun goes down,
I look at your beaming face,
I hear your proud eyes shout.

[I wonder if it could be different
But deep inside I know that it can’t.]

In the laughter, in the tear
In the smile, in the sneer
In your heart, in your mind
What you show, what you hide
It’s all lies, it’s all lies!
Wish you could realize…

It’s not the first time
And it will be again.
Just when the time is right,
All your elements will go insane.

[When the hour of the test at last calls,
The best one will be the first who falls.]


What the fire, what the ice
What you love, what you despise
All the good, all the bad
All you have, all you lack
It all cries, it all cries
Your failure will be a surprise!

[And when finally there’s nothing left,
Out of the nothingness will rise
The shadow of the light to come.
Everything will happen again
And again everything will be undone]

Thursday, June 10, 2010

AN ETERNITY OF REGRET



She slipped outta her deathbed
And outta the window,
Up the street
And onto the ghostly bus
That he missed.

She gazes now
In a stare,
Sulking,
Mourning
The lonely ride.

Games of hide-n-seek
And the broken Chinese doll
Are etched in the shallows of her mind.
Deeper wade
Betrayals, unforgivable sins
And one sea-side stroll.

Already thirst is strangling
And the heat unrelenting.
With her head in her lap,
She begins an eternity of regret.

Friday, March 26, 2010

I WILL WALK AWAY



How can I look at the world and smile
When I know, the one I love won’t ever be mine?
How can I hold her hand and say, I care
When I know she will turn and leave like I’m not even there?

I will walk away from her life,
I will not be the reason for her smile,
Tomorrow she won’t even remember me,
I guess, this is how it has to be.

I’ve heard, loneliness drives people crazy
But I think I’m gonna get used to it.
If all life has to offer is pain and sorrow,
I’m not gonna make her a part of my tomorrow.

I will walk away from her life,
I will not be the reason for her smile,
Tomorrow she won’t even remember me,
I guess, this is how it has to be.

After all I’ve said to her in the past,
I’m sure this goodbye will be the last.
Maybe, one day I will hear about her again
But I’m not sure if I would stop to listen.

I will walk away from her life,
I will not be the reason for her smile,
Tomorrow she won’t even remember me,
I guess, this is how it has to be.

COMPLETION



See the second’s hand of the clock escape.
If you run after it
You will reach the edge of the cliff.
Watch it jump into its death below
And lift your gaze,
Find yourself beneath a sky
That’s free of time.
Sit there for a while,
Hear the waves passing by,
Hang on to your thoughts,
Shut your eyes,
Feel the pain of the koel that cries,
Sing with it.
Yes, for the first time
Feel free…

You’ve left your paperwork behind,
You’ve come far from the din and crying,
You’ve got nothing to worry about,
You’ve got no family to run now.
You’ve seen it all fly up high
And then come crashing to the ground
While you stood by.
Your world was a mess
But you’ve wriggled out.
Time was short
But now it’s stopped.

…All is calm,
This feels right,
This smells sweet,
The touch is cool,
It’s euphoria, bliss.
It’s empty all around,
You’ve had your last thought,
You’ve seen your last scene,
You’ve heard
And played your last tune.
This is it!
Get up now,
Spread your arms,
Loosen your wings,
Take the plunge.
Time has died,
You can fly, fly, fly!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

GOD OR NO GOD?

Presuming there’s a God and he’s omnipotent, I have a few queries- does this God know what he is doing and what is going to happen to the universe in future? Does he have it all pre-planned? Considering that he is almighty, he definitely must. That would mean that everything is going on perfectly, with no change initiated by us mortals. Whatever change we do observe is taking us to the fulfillment of the purpose that God has in mind. What then is the use of praying and how then do our actions affect us! For neither is there a scope to accommodate our will nor can our actions alter the course selected by God. In fact, we do not even think for ourselves, leave alone choosing our actions! In which case, we are mere puppets in his hands. Doesn’t that make this God a control freak! Why else would he make trillions of living-beings who have no identity, who are totally powerless!

Another possibility could be that our prayers are really answered and our actions do define the future with some room for God’s will to intervene. This too leaves us with a grim picture- a God who has no idea of what he is doing! As if he is merely playing a reality-based game with our lives on the line! He might be almighty but he might have conferred us mortals with a fraction of power too. It’s like an irresponsible teenager playing the ultimate video-game where the computer has its own intelligence too but the final control lies in the remote-control held by the kid, in this case God. In this second possibility, he seems to have created trillions of intelligent beings with no idea of what to do with them!

Whether God is watching pre-recorded programs on TV or is engaged in playing video-games, what we eventually have on our hands is a Supreme being who doesn’t deserve to be so. This God is evil and not in the least acceptable!

The two possibilities stated above were based on a presumption- there is an Almighty God. Since both theories led us to bizarre conclusions, there must be a basic flaw. Now, a God who is not almighty seems highly improbable, we must conclude that there is no God at all. That would leave us with many open-end strings such as the history of the universe, the secret of Life and Death, the mechanisms of the physical world, our future, etc. But like many such questions which were finally answered in the past, maybe the future will see solutions to these puzzles too.

An exciting proposition thus arises- morals, consequences, Karma, Good and Evil, etc. have no meaning. We are just biological organisms, born to survive and multiply. There is no need to bother ourselves with how our actions affect us in the ultimate long run. For there is no God to keep a tab on our deeds and so there is no question of being rewarded in Heaven or punished in Hell. Yet, for the sake of the well-being of our own immediate future, we must be careful of what we do and say. We still have ethics and social welfare to keep in mind if we want to lead this powerful life in peace and happiness. If not God, our fellow beings and the physical world can still curb our powers.

MY LI'L SISTER



There in the silver moon-light, full of sweet smelling memories,
I stood, with my eyes upward, on the mango tree.
I could see her creamy ball-gown from behind the moon, peeping.
And I could feel her seething anger all the way to me, reaching.

I could say from the rain-drops falling from the clear skies
That hot tears, born in her broken heart, had reached her eyes.
Somehow if I could climb up to the moon and behind,
I knew I would have the ultimate prize- she would be forever mine.

But I would have to do it with my hands clutching ice-cream and flowers
For which she would pay me back with money that was already ours.
Climbing down, with her singing on my back, would take hours.
But who ever said that such a love could be for the weak and cowards!