Afterglow of Forever

WAVES OF DEPRESSED DAZE

2011-05-01T18:32:00.002+05:30

Eyelids, tuned to the seductive psychedelic riffs of Pink Floyd’s guitar,

Open rather reluctantly

And shut immediately,

Taking in the dreamy scene of dopey waves

Of blue blankets and cream ceiling and a drunk fan,

Rising and falling without rhythm,

Mixing without much effort into the drugged air that has lost its sense of miscibility.

The so usual depressing deja vu,

So abhorred,

So feared,

So droolingly welcomed.

Deep blue.

Purple.

Almost black.

Silky viscous smoke.

Thoughts.

Intoxicating cocktail of visions

Concocted in a loony brain’s cauldron of unhindered imagination.

Rising rising rising,

Losing form into a churning mass of mesmerized clouds

That rain their delicious drops of sweet poison

That seeps quickly underground

Straight to the stiff roots

That have held firm so long the swaying, unstable structure

On which banks

The complete whole of entirety.

This corroded contraption manages to work sometimes-

Bright-white, split-second sparks of fits and starts

In a world of deep dark dismal disappointment.

Never meant to last

Yet expected to run until a distant forever.

THE LAST LAP

2011-02-03T14:00:00.006+05:30

Swarms of revelry-maniacs,

Not dancing anymore;

Effigies of burning dreams,

Taking over;

The often hasty Time,

On the inevitable standstill,

Making way for the drastic meanders filing in;

Victory at hand, failure in the face.

The tune I am playing is off-key,

My rhythm has gone berserk;

Hunting and digging out

Long ago buried bygones,

Rituals that had been

Long laborious lives;

Dressed in the perfect suit for the ball,

I have thrown open

A perfectly chaotic brainless-paintball-party;

Two thoughts to melt the steel mansion

That took twenty ages to erect;

Starry eyes and a battle-battered body,

Bustling with pride,

Only a grab away from the knob

That opens the final door;

Only a sea to cross;

A violent sea that creeps in silently,

A sea marching right behind me;

I saw it all along

And ignored slyly,

A sea I know only too well,

A sea of self-destruction,

A sea that drowns the dismal sound of the death knell;

The sound of the death-knell…

A DREAM TO DIE FOR

2010-12-31T22:10:00.006+05:30

As my willing head hits the hypnogogic pillow

I know it’s time for the barely visible Time

To roll its wonderland-vision reel.

Floating on sweet streams of salty water

That nourishes his roots,

He narrows his eyes like a greedy hawk

And takes off to the sky

To make sport of fire.

A dream that feeds reality

Day after day,

Night after night,

Breath after breath;

A dream I was born with;

A dream to die for;

To go the farthest;

To go closest to the farthest point;

To make Speed stand still

And applaud;

To rain fire against fire,

Without remorse, without hatred,

Only reason and pride;

To weave a warm blanket

Of safe afterglow;

To be greeted by joyful claps and awed eyes,

Proud embraces and nostalgic meals;

To fly;

To fight;

A dream

To be an Air-Warrior.

ANARCHIC LIBERATION

2010-12-20T14:13:00.000+05:30

The pseudo-valiant howls of the Wise Wolves

That sent mountains into manic spasms conceded,

Silent meditation took over.

Shamelessly shaking heads

And sighs of despair

Marked the last-ever beginning.

It was impending, it was inevitable

And now it was time for the verdict.

No one could forget

But then

Who would remain to tell?

Soft hypocrite stars

Were entangled in her sulking braid,

A punishment for showering light

On the gruesome playground

Where she was made to play Gladiator.

Blanketed in the bitter fog of her breath

That corrodes the elements

With acid-black sadism,

The Earth is weathered and soul-less,

Cleansed of Evil.

Nothing left for Doom to conquer.

The moon was a skeleton

Of all that she coveted,

Her idea of a prize to be possessed.

Caught midway its ancient cycle

Trapped in her unrelenting stare

It lies now

In her cold rough caress

Kissed and gorged

Stifled and mute

Raped by her chaotic madness,

Victim of a crushed heart.

Cowardly patrons imprisoned,

The unrepentant oppressor fittingly slaughtered,

The prize claimed and ruined,

She has won,

She is Revolution.

Leaving a void that’s asking

Can blood-red Revenge deliver justice?

A SIMPLE LABYRINTH

2010-11-26T02:46:00.001+05:30

Staring and waiting,

Did it repair the leak?

The glass wept, your heart wept.

We can drink it all, can't we?

But we choose to abandon and die thirsty.

शहादत

2010-11-24T19:14:00.000+05:30

देख न,

बढ़ता जा रहा हूँ उस ओर

जिस ओर हँसते-हँसते मरना लिखा है,

तेरी बाहों मे सिमटा

खून मे लतपत पड़ा हूँ,

क्या सुहावना ख़्वाब दिखा है|

तेरी नर्म मिट्टी को लाल न कर दूं,

तब तक खड़ा लड़ता रहूँ,

हर जगह तेरा परचम न हो जब तक,

बे-खौफ़, बे-परवाह

आगे बढ़ता रहूँ|

जिन ख़ुश-क़िस्मत शहीदों से

सारी उम्र जलता रहा,

अब बस मिल कर कहना है उनसे,

"तुम में मुझ मे फ़र्क़ कहाँ रहा?"

गले लगा कर कहेंगे मुझसे,

"आ, बच्चों को शहादत के गीत सुनाएं,

अपनी माँ की ख़ातिर मर-मिटने मे

क्या सुकून है,

उन्हें भी सिखाएं..."

BUTTERFLY THOUGHTS

2010-10-29T00:51:00.010+05:30

इस अँधेरी कोठरी के
काले धुएँ मे
खोज रहा हूँ अपनी ग़ज़ल
जहां से पैदा हुईं ये रंग-बिरंगी तितलियाँ|

ओस की बूँद पे पाँव फिसला था,
टूटने से बचा रहा हूँ
सीने मे रखा
टूटा हुआ सामान|

जब प्यासे थे पुरज़े
तो सूखी थी कलम,
बह रही है अब ये अश्कों-सी
तो पिरोने को धागा कहाँ,
बस अँधेरा है,
काला धूवां
और ये रंग-बिरंगी तितलियाँ|

चारों ओर से
खुला आसमान भाग खड़ा हुआ,
अब चार हैं दीवारें,
एक बिस्तर,
दो बंद आँखें
और है सिले होठों मे बंद
गीत मेरा|

साहिलों ने लगायी इतनी चोटें,
कब तक बहता फिरता थका-हारा,
समुंदर की आस छिपाए अपने भीतर
सिमटा पड़ा है दरिया मेरा,
किसी अँधेरी कोठरी के
काले धुएँ मे खोज रहा है रास्ता,
क्या पाया,
ये रंग-बिरंगी तितलियाँ|

RAZORBLADES

2010-10-26T15:05:00.006+05:30

You think life would be so much better

If you were dealt a winning hand,

If you could walk across mighty oceans,

If you could lead your own band,

If you had wings of lightning,

If you could build real castles out of sand.

But now you sit and waste yourself,

Your tears fill up your idle time,

You hardly ever use your colors,

All you paint is black and white.

Free-falling into outer-space,

I clutched myself with both my hands,

Sitting up straight, pausing the stupidity,

I shed all the worms covering me.

My hands deserve holding an honest spade

Rather than a sickly razor blade.

Diamonds are born in a coal mine maybe awfully clichéd,

But you know we can shine on forever

If only we can think this way…

किराये के सपने

2010-10-20T10:28:00.008+05:30

किराये के सपने उठाये फिरता रहा

पलकों पर नहीं, कन्धों पर .

पीठ पर लादे-लादे ढ़ेरों वज़नी इरादे.

झुकी हुई पीठ और पस्त सोच,

कुढ़ता रहा जुस्तजू के बोझ तले हर रोज़.

किराये के सपने उठाये फिरता रहा.

मकान-मालिक बन बैठे ज़माने को

बाहर का रास्ता दिखाया

तो ख़ुली हवा बनकर बह आया ख़ालीपन

और ख़ालीपन भरने आया सपनों का सैलाब,

सैलाब पिरो गया पलकों पर मीठे आँसुओं के मोती.

ये मोती बोझ नहीं, ज़ेवर हैं.

ये सपने किराये के नहीं, अपने हैं.

इस जुस्तजू मे भी तलब है,

अब इन इरादों की बात ही अलग है.

THE KEY

2010-10-17T14:11:00.001+05:30

If you can fool without feeling guilty all these probing eyes,

If you can come up every time with fitting alibis,

If you know your way around trampling feet,

If you can savor with equal ease the taste of defeat,

If you have smiling eyes with burning ears,

If you keep an account of all those bitter tears,

If you help a stranger in his time of need,

So he can someday feed the eternal fire of your greed,

If you find the color of blood the same as of water,

If you find silly whatever the Christ taught us,

You can come join the band,

If you are unfaithful,

Trust me, I’m your friend.

फ़िर वही

2010-10-14T10:49:00.002+05:30

वही पुराना गीत लिख ड़ाला आज फ़िर,
मिल गया कुछ इस में नया भी.

जाना होगा उस पार, कि राह खींच कर लिए जा रही है,
छोड़ जाऊंगा अपना एक हिस्सा यहाँ भी.

तुमने साथ निभाने का इरादा जो बनाया होता, मेरे यार,
साथ हो पाते हम आज फ़ना भी.

ऐसी ड़ोर बांधे जाना है जो कि कभी टूटे नहीं,
खिंचती रहेगी ये उम्र भर यहाँ भी, वहाँ भी.

आंसू भरी तेरी आँखों ने ये क्या मांग लिया बिछड़ते-बिछड़ते,
क्या कहूं, कि इजाज़त भी है और मना भी.

ढूंढ रहा हूँ तुझे पागलों की तरह,
और दिख रहा है तू मुझे हर जगह भी.

यादों ने साथ घर क्या कर लिया,
इकट्ठे भी हैं हम, ग़ज़ल, और तनहा भी.

I JUST WANNA BE PURE

2010-09-26T17:48:00.004+05:30

These colorful pictures in my mind

And the dull, dull stories behind;

Where do I go to clean my slate?

So I can write about the things I love

And avoid the things I hate.

I am rowing again towards where the sun sets,

Towards where the night took my light away,

Avoiding the calls and cries of my crowd

And tearful faces beneath the waves;

It was a beautiful ship,

That I stupidly hoped would never sink,

Now I see only wood that’s decayed;

What can I do but shake my head,

Look up to the sky and forget,

Spread my wings and fly away,

Fly so far away that I lose my way,

Fly to where I can be pure,

Now I understand,

I just wanna be pure.

FOREVER IS A LIE

2010-09-18T19:51:00.008+05:30

Was it last year?

Or my last life?

Is it gonna last forever?

But forever is a lie…

We’d sing our song together

Like the woods and wind;

We’d fly away to unexplored skies together

Like the koel and spring;

Who knew,

Football in autumn was your thing!

Who ever stopped the sun from setting?

But I can keep my eyes shut when it rises again

For now the dark muffles my embarrassing sigh

And light is too blinding.

From his parched perch

He saw their lake drying up,

Drop by drop;

New falls, new springs, new rivers-

Through them all

Torturing him was the same old thirst,

It was the same old flight,

He remained the same old bird…forever;

But isn’t forever a lie?

LIFE AND ITS MYSTERIES

2010-08-16T17:32:00.010+05:30

I row my own boat with rhythmic thrusts like the breath pattern of a panting man. For decades these constantly caressing ripples have kept me company and on the way I've collected bagfuls of postcards for keepsakes- tons of memories from the past, some lived and some imagined. When I shut my eyes, I catch glimpses of other boats drifting alongside me but with open eyes all I see is nothing and more nothing.

Sometimes there’s the smell of damp mud thrown in my face by the deceiving wind. Have I finally reached shore? Can I finally rest? I sniff greedily and end up confused about which way to go. Is it just incompetence that I always end up in the wrong direction where there’s nothing but more flowing water? Or is it that this is all that there is?

I hardly get enough time to find a solution when I see a rock jutting out in the fluid expanse or must brace myself for a waterfall. Both events say to me mockingly, there’s land down there somewhere that guides the flow of this river. The river appears mighty but does little except covering the terrain that it follows. The only way to find out would be to drown myself and give myself to the river so I can see what lies beyond. But the irony is that after all the sweat when I finally get there, I would cease to be!

I shake off these twisted lanes where my mind keeps peeking. It’s easy to lose your way there and that I can’t afford, I’ve got my rowing to do. But this is hardly worth being done, sometimes I snap back at myself! Instantly the feel of solid, dry wood under my feet and one look at the treacherous everything-else reminds me, this is all the treasure I have.

This treasure turns into a pointless exercise when I think about where I’ve come from, where I’ve reached and where I’m headed- nowhere! In that moment I’m convinced I should throw away the useless oars for good and let the flow take me away. The flow is more powerful anyways. I spend days planning to do just that before I realize I’ve not let go of the oars even once. No matter how intimately I’m bound to the river, I hate it too much to let it take control.

I must row my own boat forever, if such a thing as ‘forever’ exists. And if I am to be relieved of it all, I believe I wouldn’t be able to record it to let you know of it. You must keep rowing till then, just like me, and find out for yourself…

YESTERDAY'S DUST

2010-08-09T18:04:00.017+05:30

Streams of golden sunshine

Broken by new shiny leaves,

Kids chasing butterflies

And the smell of new-mown grass.

That’s where I lived yesterday.

Waves of ecstasy exploding

In my unsteady head,

Red roses strewn all over the place,

Is it chocolate pudding I taste?

I walked a million majestic miles

To reach the gross ruin you see.

I got stuck in grimy mud once

That crossed my path mid-way.

Riding plumes of silken sweet smoke,

I let go,

Higher and higher

Towards the all embracing sky,

I’m travelling back in time

Where yesterday was so today.

MOM

2010-08-05T02:57:00.004+05:30

I’ve seen myself flowing away with her,

Playing with her, jumping with joy.

I’ve stretched my arms wide and embraced her.

I’ve soaked in her zillion drops of love.

I call her Rain.

I’ve seen her come and go.

Her absence is a melancholic lull.

She stirs my world into a wild passion.

She’s mysterious, over-whelming and unpredictable.

I call her Wind.

I can never shut her out completely,

She always finds her way into me.

Without her I’m frightened, blind and lost.

I need her to make my life bright.

I call her Light.

She’s my love, she’s my life.

She’s the reason why I’m alive.

She touched my soul and made me breathe.

She held my hand and made me see.

We parted ways and said goodbye

But she’s still with me

In the Rain, in the Wind, in the Light.

WHAT IF...

2010-08-05T02:54:00.002+05:30

My lonely bed in the morning

Makes me think,

My empty message inbox

Makes me think,

The lines on my face and my untuned guitar

Make me think,

What if?...

Brochures of vacation spots

Make me think,

Fathers teaching their kids how to walk

Make me think,

Old couples walking hand in hand

Make me think,

What if?...

What if the promises we had made came true?

What if you hadn’t said ‘We’re through’?

What if we grew old together?

What if I were still with you?

BREAKING UP

2010-07-31T22:13:00.004+05:30

Look where we are going

Hand in hand.

The last time we spoke

When the directions

Vanished.

Are your fingers cold?

Or mine too hot?

But what do we care,

The road must be laid

First!

There are beggars if we go this way,

And thugs this way.

Where were the angels again?

Will you lead me?

Will I ask?

The wind picks up

And blows the dirt away.

We aren’t exactly shining,

Are we, sunshine?

And finally when the path seemed right,

I realized that

You weren’t.

Did it hurt me

When your heart didn’t exactly shatter?

I wonder.

MAINTENANCE MAN

2010-07-31T22:09:00.007+05:30

Sitting beside a broken fan

He gave me a smile

The maintenance man

And I laid bare my list

Of things that needed to be fixed

Oh!

Can you mend my broken heart?

Can you fix my leaking eyes?

Can you make me think straight?

Can you give me back my smile?

Can you make the world see again?

Can you replace all that I’ve lost?

Can you give my life back its shine?

Can you tell me what it will cost?

With a tilt of his head,

He smiled at me.

He wiped his hands

And then he said

See,

What you need is to trust again.

Give up the habit of self-pity.

Look ahead and not behind.

And smiling will be ever so easy.

The world is made of people like you.

Wanting love without wanting to give.

You dull your life with yesterday’s dust.

All you need to do is forget and forgive.

I shook his hand

And turned around.

I wasn’t lost

I had just found out.

My next step was

The beginning of a new life

And I was gonna do it

With a big bright smile…

HURTLING ON

2010-07-31T22:07:00.002+05:30

After 20 drops of blood

Had leaked from my eye,

I gave one last shot

At checking my ambitious flight.

When you stand on the opponent’s side,

Pitching against yourself,

Do you think you can

Make it through and move ahead?

A tiny pause and a li’l sunshine,

Not through the window

But one that comes from inside,

Lets you see how you’re ruined.

Self destruction is pulling you on

And you have to keep moving.

What this distance makes me feel

How I wish you knew.

It makes me hate me

More than you do.

Ripping apart this cloud of pride

Has made the acid rain down.

It’s a filthy new world of decay

Within me and all around.

A tiny pause and a li’l sunshine,

Not through the window

But one that comes from inside,

Lets you see how you’re ruined.

Self destruction is pulling you on

And you have to keep moving.

The further you reach

The clearer you see,

When the lights are out

There’s no turning around,

When you go for the sky

There’s never a finishing line,

But it took me 20 drops of blood

To realize that victory is just not enough.

THE CURSE

2010-06-25T11:21:00.012+05:30

At the end of the day,

When the sun goes down,

I look at your beaming face,

I hear your proud eyes shout.

[I wonder if it could be different
But deep inside I know that it can’t.]

In the laughter, in the tear

In the smile, in the sneer

In your heart, in your mind

What you show, what you hide

It’s all lies, it’s all lies!

Wish you could realize…

It’s not the first time

And it will be again.

Just when the time is right,

All your elements will go insane.

[When the hour of the test at last calls,
The best one will be the first who falls.]

What the fire, what the ice

What you love, what you despise

All the good, all the bad

All you have, all you lack

It all cries, it all cries

Your failure will be a surprise!

[And when finally there’s nothing left,

Out of the nothingness will rise

The shadow of the light to come.

Everything will happen again

And again everything will be undone]
…

AN ETERNITY OF REGRET

2010-06-10T15:43:00.004+05:30

She slipped outta her deathbed

And outta the window,

Up the street

And onto the ghostly bus

That he missed.

She gazes now

In a stare,

Sulking,

Mourning

The lonely ride.

Games of hide-n-seek

And the broken Chinese doll

Are etched in the shallows of her mind.

Deeper wade

Betrayals, unforgivable sins

And one sea-side stroll.

Already thirst is strangling

And the heat unrelenting.

With her head in her lap,

She begins an eternity of regret.

I WILL WALK AWAY

2010-03-26T13:45:00.003+05:30

How can I look at the world and smile

When I know, the one I love won’t ever be mine?

How can I hold her hand and say, I care

When I know she will turn and leave like I’m not even there?

I will walk away from her life,

I will not be the reason for her smile,

Tomorrow she won’t even remember me,

I guess, this is how it has to be.

I’ve heard, loneliness drives people crazy

But I think I’m gonna get used to it.

If all life has to offer is pain and sorrow,

I’m not gonna make her a part of my tomorrow.

I will walk away from her life,

I will not be the reason for her smile,

Tomorrow she won’t even remember me,

I guess, this is how it has to be.

After all I’ve said to her in the past,

I’m sure this goodbye will be the last.

Maybe, one day I will hear about her again

But I’m not sure if I would stop to listen.

I will walk away from her life,

I will not be the reason for her smile,

Tomorrow she won’t even remember me,

I guess, this is how it has to be.

COMPLETION

2010-03-26T13:32:00.003+05:30

See the second’s hand of the clock escape.

If you run after it

You will reach the edge of the cliff.

Watch it jump into its death below

And lift your gaze,

Find yourself beneath a sky

That’s free of time.

Sit there for a while,

Hear the waves passing by,

Hang on to your thoughts,

Shut your eyes,

Feel the pain of the koel that cries,

Sing with it.

Yes, for the first time

Feel free…

You’ve left your paperwork behind,

You’ve come far from the din and crying,

You’ve got nothing to worry about,

You’ve got no family to run now.

You’ve seen it all fly up high

And then come crashing to the ground

While you stood by.

Your world was a mess

But you’ve wriggled out.

Time was short

But now it’s stopped.

…All is calm,

This feels right,

This smells sweet,

The touch is cool,

It’s euphoria, bliss.

It’s empty all around,

You’ve had your last thought,

You’ve seen your last scene,

You’ve heard

And played your last tune.

This is it!

Get up now,

Spread your arms,

Loosen your wings,

Take the plunge.

Time has died,

You can fly, fly, fly!

GOD OR NO GOD?

2010-03-02T22:16:00.003+05:30

Presuming there’s a God and he’s omnipotent, I have a few queries- does this God know what he is doing and what is going to happen to the universe in future? Does he have it all pre-planned? Considering that he is almighty, he definitely must. That would mean that everything is going on perfectly, with no change initiated by us mortals. Whatever change we do observe is taking us to the fulfillment of the purpose that God has in mind. What then is the use of praying and how then do our actions affect us! For neither is there a scope to accommodate our will nor can our actions alter the course selected by God. In fact, we do not even think for ourselves, leave alone choosing our actions! In which case, we are mere puppets in his hands. Doesn’t that make this God a control freak! Why else would he make trillions of living-beings who have no identity, who are totally powerless!

Another possibility could be that our prayers are really answered and our actions do define the future with some room for God’s will to intervene. This too leaves us with a grim picture- a God who has no idea of what he is doing! As if he is merely playing a reality-based game with our lives on the line! He might be almighty but he might have conferred us mortals with a fraction of power too. It’s like an irresponsible teenager playing the ultimate video-game where the computer has its own intelligence too but the final control lies in the remote-control held by the kid, in this case God. In this second possibility, he seems to have created trillions of intelligent beings with no idea of what to do with them!

Whether God is watching pre-recorded programs on TV or is engaged in playing video-games, what we eventually have on our hands is a Supreme being who doesn’t deserve to be so. This God is evil and not in the least acceptable!

The two possibilities stated above were based on a presumption- there is an Almighty God. Since both theories led us to bizarre conclusions, there must be a basic flaw. Now, a God who is not almighty seems highly improbable, we must conclude that there is no God at all. That would leave us with many open-end strings such as the history of the universe, the secret of Life and Death, the mechanisms of the physical world, our future, etc. But like many such questions which were finally answered in the past, maybe the future will see solutions to these puzzles too.

An exciting proposition thus arises- morals, consequences, Karma, Good and Evil, etc. have no meaning. We are just biological organisms, born to survive and multiply. There is no need to bother ourselves with how our actions affect us in the ultimate long run. For there is no God to keep a tab on our deeds and so there is no question of being rewarded in Heaven or punished in Hell. Yet, for the sake of the well-being of our own immediate future, we must be careful of what we do and say. We still have ethics and social welfare to keep in mind if we want to lead this powerful life in peace and happiness. If not God, our fellow beings and the physical world can still curb our powers.

MY LI'L SISTER

2010-03-02T21:15:00.006+05:30

There in the silver moon-light, full of sweet smelling memories,

I stood, with my eyes upward, on the mango tree.

I could see her creamy ball-gown from behind the moon, peeping.

And I could feel her seething anger all the way to me, reaching.

I could say from the rain-drops falling from the clear skies

That hot tears, born in her broken heart, had reached her eyes.

Somehow if I could climb up to the moon and behind,

I knew I would have the ultimate prize- she would be forever mine.

But I would have to do it with my hands clutching ice-cream and flowers

For which she would pay me back with money that was already ours.

Climbing down, with her singing on my back, would take hours.

But who ever said that such a love could be for the weak and cowards!

GRAY

2009-12-25T12:36:00.008+05:30

She let her eye-lids fall

And blinked,

Sadly and lazily.

Clouds crowded the oppressed sky,

The indifferent world turned gray,
Cold rain fell
And there the slush was
In the green country-grass
For her to walk in,
Barefoot
Among the blood-hungry leeches…
Heavy air,
Heavy breath,
Heavy heart,
Dull, dull weather,
Heavy steps
In the thick, brown mud,
Heavy stone
In her fist
With which she shot a bad upward aim.
It hit the fallen ancient tree
What was meant to kill the rain-cloud.
The heavens clapped
And roared and laughed
And slapped harder
Than before.

It was salty
And slushy,
It was cold
And ugly- the mud she tasted,
Dipped in the blood of her palm;
Her punishment
For losing the battle again,
So she rode her pony, unarmed.
It still rained,
The mission failed,
As usual.

GIFT

2009-12-25T12:00:00.004+05:30

See,

See the burn on the ice

Where she had set her lips;

Water that flowed down her hair

Formed raging rivers of honey and milk;

The notes she touched are still found

Quivering with delight in the mesmerized air.

She is the poet’s gift to the world.

Go,

Go, dear Verse,

Fall on her ears

And whisper the unspoken wish-

“Come, touch him,

Come, fill him;

He needs inspiration.

“He sits sullenly staring into the silence;

By his side, a few blank pages

And dried up ink;

You’ve made love to him before,

Let the fire flow again;

Be again, the gift he wishes to give.”

UNLIVE

2009-12-25T11:44:00.014+05:30

Watch the fire melt in the heat

And my heart shiver with cold;

Find the peacocks in the rain;

Lest these stories go untold.

Tick-tock of the clock

Drains the acid from my eye;

Rub the wound, rub the wound!

Don’t let the fever die.

There goes my black guitar

And there my wing;

There goes the pen-maker’s daughter,

So here I sing.

The last goodbye still hammers away,

This clown still weeps,

The beauty-queen dances on with strange men,

The audience claps and sleeps.

I step outta the window,

I step onto the sky,

I step outta the garbage bin

I used to call, “My life.”

MY CITY OF JOY

2009-10-24T18:15:00.005+05:30

The wind was too strong to be ignored. It seemed to have come out on a mission. I tried frantically to calm it down and bring it to its senses. But instead, I myself got all worked up. The strong evening breeze churned and churned and with it I spun and spun and spun in a strange trance with both my hands stretched out to the sky in sync with the craziness of the wind.

The world turned into a blurred dizziness and things inside my head got all mixed up to bring out a surreal daze…

I am standing by the river of Sorrow- on the Ghat where many a late evening was whiled away by a bunch of jobless lads right out of school- some smoking, some teasing the dog, some capturing the lit up beauty of the Bridge-with-no-pillars in their gadgets and some writing poems inspired by the dull and distressful sorrow of the brownish flowing water...

And now I’m holding a cup made of dried up brown leaves, chomping away a spicy, crispy and at the same time watery snack that they call ‘Fuchka’. Why must the fair one with rimless glasses always make me laugh out when my mouth is full? The inconsiderate, cigarette-sucking monster of Smoke!

And now the smoke from grimy exhaust pipes fills up my nostrils and seems to kill my grey cells as I suddenly start fighting it with a fit of coughs. Oh! The curse of sitting on the scraggy metal toolbox that is fixed like an outcast just outside of the body of the barely-holding-on, black-yellow automobile with three wheels that makes such a blasting sound that a supersonic jet would be stunned to silence.

And now I’m flying at supersonic speed, mocking the maneuvering eagles, with Metal Rock blasting in my ears as I lie on the cool marble slab jutting out of the window in my balcony that overlooks the ever-teeming-with-shoppers street below.

And now I am hunting for one elusive whiff of fresh air from a blessed window as I stop myself from puking from suffocation as sweaty men further cram up the already crowded bus. Just then, the Teddy with newly found lenses must let loose his callous humor on the local men who are cursing the driver for not being Schumi!

And now I am listening to the “7 yr. old”, college-going Thin one and her suffocated tales of outrageous proposals and moronic professors and stuffy local trains. Lying next to her in the dark, I’m trying to cope with her super-excitement.

And now I am staring directly into the yet-to-turn-bright-and-fierce red sun as grains of wheat tumble down from my loosely held fist to the gray birds that are believed to fend off peril by shutting their eyes and thinking the world has gone dark and no one can see them!

And now I am returning home with the Chocolate boy who now lies ten thousand miles away from home, as the darkness begins to engulf, from a journey that took me, on my very own two legs, all around the City under the scorching Sun with only the occasional air-conditioned, underground Metro station for relief or the momentary joy of seeing a swanky imported car, the sight of which can make a paralyzed man jump!

And now I am jumping with joy as another enemy-wicket falls and my team leaps closer to victory. And oh! The tables banged and palms clapped red along with the one-foot-long-graying-beard donning, 130 kg. weighing Leo and the debates with him on religion bias and cultural differences and cricket strategies and politics and importance of education and whether friendships last and and and…

And I found myself being lulled to my senses by the wind that was now feeling guilty for making my head spin with craziness. I stopped spinning and put on my slippers and gave one last look North-East towards the City of Joy which had moments ago flooded my mind. I left my terrace to return to my books.

WHAT SHOULD I WRITE?

2009-10-22T20:48:00.002+05:30

Sometimes when I’m sitting with a blue pen in my hand and a blank black diary in front of me, you can catch me wondering, “What should I write?”

Most of these times, it’s so peaceful around me and inside me. I can feel the warmth of the lazy sunshine falling on the yellowing leaves just opposite to my window. There’s an occasional cry of an agitated infant in the neighborhood or the honking by a cautious bike rider or sometimes the call for prayer from the local mosque carried into my room by a reluctantly blowing breeze and dropped casually into the lap of my conscious thought. But the question remains- “What should I write?”

I am bored of listening to the songs on my playlist and can’t concentrate on my books until I have satiated the thirst of these empty pages. I look around and ruffle the feathers of my winged mind expecting some loosely stuck thoughts, gathered during the past few flights, to tumble down. But it merely returns, “What should I write?”

Now, it’s turning into a frustration. I have so much else to do and yet I have chained myself to these no-profit, empty pages and fruitless echoes in my hollow skull. I must put down something quickly and get over with it. The wind is picking up speed. The sun has lost its charms. The traffic outside is thickening. People are waking up from their afternoon nap. The world is moving on at an accelerated pace and I’m still sitting idly, staring at these stark blank pages of my black diary, licking the inky tip of my blue pen and thinking, “What should I write?”…

A WISH

2009-09-19T17:52:00.001+05:30

I always wanted to get so close to you
That I feel the heat of your breath on my skin;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That your perfume surrounds me;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That my lips rub against yours when I speak;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That my eyes see nothing but your eyes;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That I can wrap my arms around you;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That your hair tickles my nose;
I always wanted to get so close to you
That you can’t say no when I ask if I can kiss you;

And now you are so far away that when your memories call, I can’t hear them…

I AM A DREAMER

2009-09-13T10:32:00.002+05:30

I am a dreamer and I have been dreaming…about a lot of things. I am a dreamer and I am just that. In your world I am ugly, I am psychotic, I am dangerous. In my world I am a decent-enough, nice guy.

I am a dreamer. I do things but I never think about what I do or maybe, I do think but I don’t know what I think or maybe, I know what I think but I don’t know that I know. I don’t know. I am confused. I am entangled in my conflicting dreams.

I am a dreamer and I write my dreams. I write my dreams to you. I wonder whether you wonder why I write to you coz I do. I write to you my dreams coz it’s you I dream about or maybe, I dream about what I dream is you. I don’t know. I am confused. I am entangled in my words.

I am a dreamer. I dream in this world but about my own world. I used to know you. I was beginning to know you. Then, you stopped my knowing. A lot of memories remained incomplete. What was incomplete made me dream restless dreams. I was churning in my mind and as usual, I was dreaming. Now, I am sick. I am sick of dreaming.

I am a dreamer. I thought I loved you. Now I know, I used to love you. Now, I love someone else. She has the same name. She has the same face and the same body and the same voice but she is not you. She is my dream. She is my dream of you. When I wrote to you and said I love you, I was not lying. I was mistaken. I was dreaming.

I am a dreamer and you left too many incomplete memories. I completed them but not in this world, in mine. We were together for such a short time in this world and then we parted and since then we’ve been together. We’ve been together in my world. There I still love you very much but there you are not you. I am not me here. I am me there. So, it’s not purely surreal. I don’t know. It’s a confusion. It’s entangled in reality and dreams. When I wrote to you and said I love you, it felt like a lie. Now I know why. You had left me with nothing but incomplete memories and I filled up the empty spaces with my own images. I changed you and us and distorted the reality to fit what was not real. We’ve been together since forever and till forever. We made love. We touched. We looked. We ate together, walked together, fought and cried and made up later. We were there, I was there but you weren’t. I thought you were but it was my thought. Till we parted, I loved you coz I knew you. After that I knew someone else and loved someone else.

I am a dreamer and I kept dreaming about being with you in this world too but that won’t be. Even if we meet, it won’t be. Even if you say it should be, it won’t be coz I don’t want it to be coz I don’t love you. You are not whom I love. I love my dream of you. You won’t fit my dream and why should you! How would you? You are not a dreamer, I am.

I am a dreamer and I write my dreams. I am writing my dreams to you though it is not you that I dream about. I am writing to you coz there is no one else to write to. My dream of you doesn’t accept written words. She only accepts dreams. So, I dream about my dream of you. Dreaming about my dream of you is driving me crazy. Maybe I am going crazy. Maybe I am crazy.

SEPARATION

2009-09-02T13:32:00.002+05:30

Waist high green grass
Under the sunshine of gold
Running to the distant horizon
And she in a yellow dress.
She- runs like the moon graces
Through clouds,
Tempting, luring.
Her lips silent
And eyes playful
When she glances back at me.
I- stand, hands on hips,
Indignantly, helplessly
Adoring how she
Loves irritating me,
Loving her,
Loving all that she is.
As I turn away in mock anger,
She holds my hand -
She knows this game all too well.
She knows I'll dare not stay away.
She knows how madly I am into her.
So she pulls me close
And hugs me,
Her perfume filling me.
Her hair sparkle in the evening sun.
We - stand there in an embrace,
Brushing cheek against cheek,
Lips against lips.
Her cute nose caresses my neck
As moments become minutes
And patience becomes passion.
Our love is complete
and in that moment
I know
None of this will last long.
There will be separation
And it will be now
And it will be forever
For there is a life other than her
And both can't be one.

NIGHTMARE

2009-09-02T13:18:00.005+05:30

Every inch closer to bed
turns another nightmare from last night
into virtual reality -
A quiver and a smile
and a chill down my spine;
Red eyes and white teeth,
prowling in the dark
uder my bed.
They taste blood,
smack their lips
and lick their fangs.
My head on my pillow
and a claw scraping my toe;
Gasps of air meant to be breaths
lose their way and fill my head
and pull my eyes
to reveal the whites.
Strange thoughts
take strange shapes -
A red fluid in a drinking glass
or
a hooked sucking fang in my throat
or
a noose, tight around my neck -
Let go! Let go!
Where is my air?
O no! O no!
A flash of light -
Another dawn,
another day to survive,
another bright beginning
to a dismal, engulfing end.

WILD

2009-08-04T17:45:00.002+05:30

I am a wild man
With a thirst for thrill
And a heart for danger.
There’s passion in my blood
And dreams in my eyes.
I love my people
But I prefer to
Run alone all night.
The howl of the storm
Is music
And the burning sand
Strong temptation.
I am a wild man
With a desire to fly.
I envy those
That have wings.
I sleep under
The open sky
And travel every night
Past the stars.
I challenge time
And have
Beaten it a few times.
I roar back
When the thunders call.
I compel the Gods
To draw
Their enormous swords.
I am a wild man
And there’s no remorse.
There are a worried people
Waiting
I have lost love
But I have gained
Strength.
I wish to go
With a bang,
Not fade away.
I am a wild man,
I wish I were one.

RESTLESS REPOSE

2009-08-04T17:37:00.001+05:30

A white umbrella in one hand to avoid the piercing raindrops,
She bent down gracefully to pick a handful of moss
From atop his pregnant grave;
The smell in the air was moist decay;
The numerous dead around her screamed for relief from the cold;
Only he lay with his face down, sullen,
Angry at having to lie so away from home
Where her perfume never reached to arouse him;
She let the moss drop down slowly;
Lost in it was a single warm tear, his last hope;
She turned and walked away leaving his stone fighting the rain.
The deadly bullets of water could never pierce her pride;
She was proud of him;
So she let her dark hair drench and soon tears heated up her eyes.
As soon as she had turned he had looked up
And grabbed the tear in the moss;
His thirst had to wait every week
Till she soaked him in this pearly drop of love;
His hollow eyes traced her till she went out the iron gates
And screamed like his neighbors
Though not out of pain and cold
But for her
And her hair
And her perfume
And her eyes
And her fingers
And her lips
And her love…

I HAVE TREASURED

2009-05-25T02:26:00.003+05:30

I have treasured

Every small incident,

Every big memory;

All that had happened,

All that we want to be.

Every dash towards the phone

Every long chat;

Every mom-picked call

Every excuse made;

Every time you laughed at a joke

Every time you marveled at a fact;

Every juicy piece of gossip

Every heated debate;

Every outrageous word

Every raised eyebrow;

Every read thought

Every shy denial;

Every whispered word

Every prolonged quiet;

Every hour of patient wait

Every reward of your sweet face;

Every side glance

Every ill-mannered stare;

Every brush of shoulder

Every walk with hands held;

Every time I said I love you

Every time you said you don’t;

Every time you wanted to say yes

Every time you kept quiet;

Every time you said you love me

Every skipped heart beat;

Every promise of faith

Every plea to go away;

Every time I made you cry

Every time I felt criminal;

Every song dedicated

Every poem inspired;

Every time I thought of you

Every time I breathed.

सीलन

2009-05-25T02:24:00.006+05:30

कई दिनों से ये घर मेरा

घुटा हुआ है

बंद दरवाज़ों के पीछे;

तुम आती थीं तो ख़ुद-ब-ख़ुद

खुल जाते थे दरवाज़े,

अब तो बस पड़े रहते हैं

दीवारों को सीलन के

हवाले किए हुए;

हाथ में कलम लिए

जब उतारने बैठता

हूँ दिल की बात,

पुर्ज़ों पर भी

इन दीवारों की सीलन ही

उतर आती है;

तेरी मुसी हुई

एक तस्वीर है मेरे पास,

जब देखना चाहता हूँ

एक दिया जला लेता हूँ,

फ़िर भी सब धुंधला

ही रहता है,

कुछ सीलन-सी पड़ जाती है

आँखों में भी;

CRAWLING TO THE MOON

2009-05-25T02:21:00.000+05:30

Arms droppin off,
And feet anchored,
Goin on,
Following a lonely star,
Long dead since birth-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinking only ash;

Hooks tearing through
My gut,
My blood trailin me,
Already round
The earth twice
In this hellish life-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinkin only ash;

Stoned and dug,
Pushin on
Under the surface,
Seen nations fall
And devils rule-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinkin only ash;

Stabbin mother earth
In her breast,
Makin a fire
Of broken ties,
Cared to bid bye
And turned around
To spit on your face-
Crawlin to the moon
Drinkin only ash;

I WANNA HURT YOU

2009-05-25T02:15:00.000+05:30

Love is a lesson of betrayal-
So much to expect,
So less to give.

I am sorry,
I wanna hurt you
But you know
I am no God.
To forgive you
I must forget you-
Something, no matter
How hard I try,
I cannot do.
I wish you well.
Go away if that’s
What you want
But I wanna make
U feel what I felt-
This very life
Can be hell!

I so readily
Gave up so much
To prove my love;
When it was
Your turn,
You so readily
Gave up my love.

Right from the start
You were free;
I never asked of you
To love me.
It was you
Who’d repeat
You love me, and
When you saw
I had reached a stage
Where so painfully
My heart would break,
How could you just
Ask me to go away?!

You made me believe
Love lasts forever
And you tell me
It takes a couple of days
To forget your lover!

I am sorry
I can’t do
What you say-
Can’t let you go,
Can’t see you go away;
If my loving you
Gives you pain
I am sorry,
I wanna hurt you, again.

PART OF YOUR FOG

2009-05-25T02:13:00.001+05:30

You go ahead,
Break free;
I am happy
Being a part of
The fog of your memory.

Clear the mess around you;
It is the right thing to do;
Why gather the clutter?
If you are done with it,
It shouldn’t be there.

Someday, maybe,
When you are revisiting
Good old times
In the autumn of your life,
We’ll meet again,
Of course, if you’ll recognize.

कुछ अनकही

2009-05-25T02:10:00.001+05:30

कल शाम हवा
चुरा लायी थी
कुछ अनकहे शब्द
जो आके तुम्हारे होठों पे
ठहर गए थे.

दो शब्द थे प्यार के
मुझे जो सुनाना चाहती थी;
मेरे शहर की ओरे रुख करके
आँखे बंद किए, लबों तक लाके
रोक दिए थे.

एक आंसू था मीठा सा
लबों तक ही बस बहा था
पी लिया था तुमने,
कलेजे में
भरी बैठी थी.

एक पुराना गीत था
मुझ ही से जो सीखा था
लबों से न गाकर, मन् ही में
गुनगुनाया था…

इन सब को पहलु में
दबाये, मेरा पता ढूँढती
आई थी हवा;
मैंने ही ख़ुद को दीवारों
के पीछे कैद कर रखा था;
सोच बैठा था
तुम याद नही करती.

I AM SORRY

2009-05-25T02:09:00.000+05:30

I am sorry
I couldn’t see it;
It was hard to believe
That you could love me.

I saw that look
In your eyes,
I brushed it aside;
Thought you just wanted me to smile.

It blew my mind
To feel you were mine;
Didn’t handle it right;
I still can’t decide.

I hated to think
you don’t care for me,
Thought it was your fault;
Now I know, it was me.

I am sorry

CORRUPTED CONSCIENCE

2009-05-25T02:08:00.000+05:30

My shadow the earth refuses to endure.
My life is an exhibition of my sins.
The heavens select my soul for crucifixion
As I fall into the same pit again.
As I walk, I drop trails of blasphemy.
So hard to hide from the wailings
Of a corrupted conscience.
On my forehead was carved
With acids of fate
The destiny of a dark vision
I can’t fight against.

WHEN THE CHURCH BELLS RING

2009-05-25T02:04:00.000+05:30

When the church bells ring
And there is divine music,
Why do you look down?
Where are you lost?

When the wind blows
And ruffles your hair,
Why do you get up?
And shut the doors?

When the flowers swing
And call you to touch,
Why do you hold your hands back?
What do you resist?

When kids run to you
And kiss you
Why do you just smile
But not kiss back?

When the fire burns,
When the fog clears,
When the dew drops,
When the sun shines,
And you have something to cheer about,
What is it that your eyes deny?
Why aren’t they happy,
Lost in some memory.
Is it mine?

THE DAWN OF DARKNESS

2009-05-25T02:00:00.000+05:30

"...The dawn of darkness
Brings forth so much light-
Light that reveals
The truth
For in this
Darkness shine
My mistakes..."

सपनों की अँधेरी दुनिया

2009-05-25T01:57:00.001+05:30

किसी दस्तक पर
आँख खुली थी.
खिड़की खोली
तो कमरे में
धूप बिखर आई.
आधी खुली खिड़की से
झाँक कर देखा:

कुछ दूर पर
एक सपेरा
बच्चो को लुभाता था;
साँप की माँ
कही भूकी पड़ी थी.

कही और
खिलौनों का समंदर
लहराता था;
बस कुछ ही खिलौने
साबत बचे थे.

एक बुढिया
घुटने देखती
चलती थी;
कमर पर
छाले पड़े थे.

खिड़की खोली
तो कमरे में
धूप बिखर आई;
समेट कर
बाहर गिरा दी.
सपनो की मेरी
अँधेरी दुनिया ही
भली थी.

पुकारा था तूने

2009-05-25T01:54:00.001+05:30

आँसू भरी तेरी आँखों ने देखा था एक नज़र
वो बादल आज भी बरस रहा है मेरी छत पर

तेरी बाहों ने समेटा था मुझे एक दफा
धूम मची है मेरी दुनिया में अब भी हर तरफ़

पुकारा था तेरी दुआ ने मुझे एक सुबह
खीचती है तेरी ओरे आज तक हर डगर

MY MENTOR

2009-05-25T01:52:00.000+05:30

My mentor,
Thank you, sir
Thank you for takin me
Thank you for makin me
Thank you for breakin me.

You held me,
Made me look up
Upto the sky,
Said it was mine,
Said I’d be there,
Threw me with all you had;
Now I lie in the mud,
Doubled up in pain and distrust.

You arms were all I had,
You held me so close to yourself
In such a tight embrace
It drew the breath outta me,
Crushing everything inside of me.

Now you go around
Spreading things-
I am ungrateful
Didn’t even say thank you
So here I am-

My mentor,
Thanking you, sir:
Thank you for takin me
Thank you for makin me
Thank you for breakin me.

THE MEMORY OF A DREAM

2009-05-25T01:50:00.000+05:30

It’s got to be the memory of a dream,
It couldn’t have happened to me.
How my mind, so used to worms,
Could have imagined a life so sweet,
I can’t see.

I see myself holding a hand,
My gaze locked with another,
I feel a perfume driving me crazy,
I hear promises poured into me;
A love so pure could possibly
Be the invention of my crazed mind
But never a reality.
I see a kid-me
Tossed gently in the air,
Surrounded by sounds of glee
I feel a soft breast on my baby-palms
And the taste of sweet warm milk;
There’s also a big man
Buying me bicycle and basketball
And a bunch of kids playing hide and seek,
A childhood so complete,
No it could not have been for me.
Proud old eyes fixed on a teen,
A shelf lined with trophies,
Lads running after each other
For boxes of tiffin,
A huge school building
Smellin like a heaven of comfort,
So different from the place
I now live in.

These rosy pictures flashing in my mind
That they call the past, a memory
Seem to me like the ruins of a dream
Coz with open eyes there only worms
Crawling in my head
And when I look ahead,
A deep dark hole is all I have.

LOVE

2009-05-25T01:49:00.001+05:30

“…the only thing
more beautiful than loving
is being loved;
you, my friend,
have that gift;
I am content
With the
Second best…”

“…in a dead desert
where nothing survives,
love gave birth
to music
that, resonating till eternity,
thrives till today…”

PERFECT HEAVEN

2009-05-25T01:44:00.000+05:30

Being me was strange,
Being here, it feels stranger—
So far away
From where I belong,
From whom I love,
From what I wanted to be,
From what I was.

This feeling
is hard to define—
far from remorse,
far from nostalgia,
far from grief.

But then—
It’s not joy,
It’s not fun,
It’s not glee.

What is it?—
I had heard about
Being numb;
I think I can
Feel it.

It was a whirlwind
That tore me from me,
Turned my world topsy-turvy
And threw me on this path.

This path takes me
I don’t know where—
It could be glory,
It could be doom,
It could be nowhere.

(Crude partings were made;
Partings are always crude
Because they bring out
The true love hidden inside
And
If they are refined,
There were no partings made
For no ties existed.)
This is what they call
Destiny—
It destroys all you plan,
All that existed,
All you believed in
And proves to you
That there is a God.

God—
A power so potent
That your very existence
Seems worthless.

Yet, it is a loving power.
It’s looking for love
And if you give
Any sign of it,
It embraces you,
Holds your hand
And leads you
To a
Perfect Heaven

खाली था सफर उम्र भर का

2009-05-25T01:42:00.000+05:30

खाली था सफर उम्र भर का
दफ्न भी मैं हुआ तो अकेला

मेरे कातिल की आंखों में डर नही था
न मेरे अपनों की आँखों में गुस्सा

कहीं तो याद रखते हैं जो मर गया
लोग मांगते थे मेरे मरने की दुआ

I DON'T WANT YOU

2009-05-25T01:28:00.000+05:30

I don’t want you to take me back,

I don’t expect again the love you had;

I know, I had my chances

I know, I how utterly I failed you

Again and again;

I only want you to forget

All about my wretched self;

I only pray I didn’t cause

So much pain that it should last long;

I only want you to forgive yourself

And live a life, which together, we could never have;

I want you to go ahead

And do what you want best;

But I also hope you won’t mind

If I, from a distance, keep an eye;

It’s so hard to catch any sleep

Until I know whether you are at peace.

I AM ALMIGHTY

2009-05-25T01:15:00.000+05:30

These walls cage my thoughts.

Something in my mind

Is desperate to explode.

It wants to carry me away,

Lift me off the ground

And fly me away

To a heaven

Where no wings are required to fly.

I am told to be focused

But this thing is all I

Can focus on.

I am told to concentrate

But a perfect chaos is my dream;

To be so free

That the soul knows not the body,

That thoughts are bound not in the mind

Nor beats in hearts.

Where speed is not a limit.

Where time plays no role.

Where imagining be creating

And devastation never ending.

Where all the world is me

In me, by me!

Where I destroy

At the spark of anger.

Where I conduct the symphony

Of thunders

And

The direction of winds

Where the waves rise as high as I lift them

And volcanoes are as hot I heat them.

Where the earth quakes

At the ruffling of my breath

And time is my puppet

Where I create

With a smile.

All children break into laughter

When I joke.

Where men fall in love

With the beauty I create.

Where flowers bloom

And let loose a perfume

I desire to smell.

Where trees bear my

Favorite fruits.

What will be next,

Only I can tell

Where there’s only me,

Just me,

Nothing else.

I create, I destoy.

I live, I die.

I am time, I am doom.

I am heaven as well as hell

I am all, all is me

I am Almighty!

DER'S NO TYM

2009-05-25T01:06:00.000+05:30

You could call

But there’s no time;

I could smile

But there’s no time;

I am patient

But there’s no time;

I can wait

But there’s no time;

I am hurt

But there’s no time;

You could heal

But there’s no time;

PORTER OF HELL

2009-05-25T01:04:00.000+05:30

“Here take my hand.
I can help u.
I’ll show u the way,
All the way
Right till the gates
Of u know where;
you’re right, HELL”

Iron bars
Stabbed with ease,
In through the front
Outta the back,
The pain is pleasure,
Ultimate satisfaction;
In trance with the wind
Rockin to music,
Dirty soul
And vile dreams;
No subject
No logic,
A blast in the head
World swirling
Bringin memories
Of sweet childhood
Of bugs killed and holes peeped
Of several lies and envy blues
Of a hundred affairs
And a single love
Lost too;
Misty eyes,
Bleeding heart,
Numb mind,
Oblivion inviting-
On my way
With the

Porter Of Hell.

ALIENS

2009-05-25T00:49:00.000+05:30

I am just one of those guys

Who know not the ways of the world;

Their heads are dumb

Nor can they understand a single word;

Whom God made as if for fun

And then forgot;

Who walk the surface of the Earth

Wondering what it is all about;

Looking around dreamily,

They trip and fall

And can’t get up because

They can’t support themselves enough;

Not a single soul stops

Or as much as notices;

Busy feet trample them,

Covering their bodies up.

Wherever they fall,

Their graves are dug

And they, far away

From an alien world,

Find themselves snug!

माँ के हाथों की महक

2009-02-20T05:54:00.002+05:30

इस जहान की कड़कती ठण्ड से छुपने के लिए बिस्तर में दुबका पडा था. छत यूँ घूरती थी मानो मेरे चहरे से घृणा हो. अपने अकेले-पन को दूर करने के लिए ख़ुद ही अपने बाल सहलाता था. बचपन में कहे शब्दों को याद करके ख्यालों पे लिख रहा था की एक तस्वीर आंखों के आगे तैरने लगी.
माँ के हाथों की महक और अपनी जिद के बीच की लड़ाई देखने लगा -

“बाहर आम के पेड़ से वादा कर आया हूँ- दूध पी के आता हूँ- इंतजार करता होगा.”

माँ ने दूध पिलाकर बिस्तर पर पटक दिया था. “माँ को अकेले डर लगता है, उसका बहादुर बच्चा पास रहेगा तभी तो सो पायेगी.”

“पर आम का पेड़ रात भर जगता रहेगा, कह आऊँ तो कबूतरों के साथ सो जाए.”

माँ ने गाल खीचते हुए कहा, “ सब की चिंता लगी रहती है!”

“मैं क्या करुँ? तुम सब ही तो मेरे बिना अकेले पड़ जाते हो. सब का ख्याल रखना पङता है.”

मेरे बाल संवारते हुए माँ ने ऐसे देखा जैसे चाँद की तस्वीर बना कर गर्व कर रही हो. “मैं तो तुझे कहीं जाने नही दूँगी. मुझे अकेले में डर लगता है.”

“तब फिर मैं क्या करुँ? मुझे तो नींद नही आ रही है, न”, कहते हुए उबासी के कारण आंखों में आंसू आ गए. “अब मुझे यूँ ही लेटे रहना पडेगा.”

माँ ने बाहों में समेट लिया. उसके हाथों की महक जाने पलकों पे क्या धर देती थी! पल भर में बोझल होके बंद हो जाती. उस महक से घिरने के बाद ना लोरी की ज़रूरत थी, न थपकी की. आम का पेड़ रात भर पुकारता रह गया।

उन हाथों की महक एक भीनी-सी याद भर बन गयी है. जाने माँ मेरे बिना कितनी अकेली होगी. डर लगता होगा तो किसको गले लगाती होगी. आराम को तरसती इन आंखों को फिर उस महक की ज़रूरत है. जाने कितने बरसों से नींद के सपने देख रही है.

अपने ठंडे बिस्तर में सिकुड़ा पडा यही सोचता रहता हूँ की माँ के हाथों की मीठी-सी महक मिल जाए तो उस में सिमट के हमेशा के लिए सो जाऊं…